[Verse 1: Eminem] ~#**************#~ You claim if you get knocked by the cops ~#**************#~ Youll give em not even a statement ~#**************#~ Walk in the arraignment ~#**************#~ Shoot the bailiff, karate kick the plaintiff ~#**************#~ Gotti with the stainless ~#**************#~ Ill just call it shoddy entertainment ~#**************#~ If yall was in the party gettin faded ~#**************#~ On molly, had the audience sedated ~#**************#~ You wouldnt catch a body if it fainted ~#**************#~ Probably let it fall and hit the pavement ~#**************#~ But youd be the first lobbyin to claim it ~#**************#~ Bitch, stop bein a lame ~#**************#~ Your hobby isn’t robbery and dismemberin body limbs ~#**************#~ Like you was Tommy Lynn Sells ~#**************#~ And chainsawin them in the basement ~#**************#~ Hardly fits your job description, aint nobody dippin ~#**************#~ Out the back of the club like, “Oh my God, hes trippin!” ~#**************#~ Only time you get the blade is ~#**************#~ Probably with the dang lawn equipment, aint it? ~#**************#~ Wouldnt take a bobby pin and wave it ~#**************#~ I need to stop bein debated ~#**************#~ Youre still copyin, Xeroxing ~#**************#~ Im still coppin a feel ~#**************#~ Like Bill Cosby at will, poppin a pill ~#**************#~ Then spill Oxys in Jills coffee ~#**************#~ Then send her out to the hotel lobby ~#**************#~ A lil wobbly and still groggy ~#**************#~ This blond fucks reprehensible ~#**************#~ Misconducts, never sensible ~#**************#~ Kiss my butt, my set of principles ~#**************#~ Is gone, but til I get the President to respond ~#**************#~ My pen and pencil is a missile launcher ~#**************#~ And Senator Mitch McConnell’s ~#**************#~ Just as big of a bitch as Donald— ~#**************#~ Shits on, bruh! (Ha-ha) ~#**************#~ Let me sing this shit soprano ~#**************#~ While I do it pizzicato ~#**************#~ Ivanka, stiff-arm her while Im hittin on Melania ~#**************#~ And this songs for all ya ~#**************#~ [Chorus: Eminem & Kent Jones] ~#**************#~ ‘Cause nobody likes me, everybody hates me ~#**************#~ They want me to go eat some worms (I hope you offended) ~#**************#~ And drag my name through the mud, through the dirt ~#**************#~ But Ima make you eat your words (I hope you offended) ~#**************#~ You can try to hold me down, but you better let me up ~#**************#~ ‘Cause youre only gonna make things worse (I hope you offended) ~#**************#~ ‘Cause I swear when I get up, Im never gonna let up ~#**************#~ ‘Til everybody eats my turds ~#**************#~ [Verse 2: Eminem & Paul Rosenberg] ~#**************#~ These drums and hard snares bring out the worst in me ~#**************#~ Like Justin Ross Harris at a nursery ~#**************#~ Goin ham at candy yam ~#**************#~ On nanny cam, Im gettin handies with the zanny Xannys ~#**************#~ In the Caddy armrest, Im imaginin objects ~#**************#~ So Im battin cobwebs from a daddy longleg ~#**************#~ In Hamtramck ~#**************#~ Got the panoramic camera ~#**************#~ Xanax, a banana hammock and a Santa hat ~#**************#~ Im smellin like a damn mechanic ~#**************#~ With a chick that looks like Janet Jackson with a Spanish accent ~#**************#~ Twice her age and Im actin half it (Ha-ha) ~#**************#~ Grow up? ~#**************#~ Nah, not that I know of, yall ~#**************#~ Basement just got a frickin overhaul ~#**************#~ Got a stripper pole installed ~#**************#~ Started rollin all through those Klonopins ~#**************#~ Like a bowlin ball ~#**************#~ Like an overdose on twice the ratio of Propofol ~#**************#~ And go through no withdrawal ~#**************#~ While I get fellatio and give a facial to ~#**************#~ An interracial blow-up doll of Rachel Dolezal ~#**************#~ Youre so appalled (Em…) ~#**************#~ Sos my manager ~#**************#~ Bitch, I amateur, fuck a pro career ~#**************#~ Coast is clear, but nowhere to go from here ~#**************#~ And nobodys close so dont compare ~#**************#~ They aint nowhere near, Im way over here ~#**************#~ My competition cant see me— ~#**************#~ ‘Cause I dont own a mirror! ~#**************#~ But, Marshall, you are terrific ~#**************#~ So smart and gifted ~#**************#~ Im so narcissistic, when I fart I sniff it ~#**************#~ Do a fake dab to smell my armpits, whiff it ~#**************#~ Your anxietys throwin gang signs ~#**************#~ But I made strides with these rape lines ~#**************#~ Im cuttin back on women hate crimes ~#**************#~ Like Ray Rice when he FaceTimes ~#**************#~ Bang, bang, bang, bang time ~#**************#~ Dang knivesre butcher than gay wives ~#**************#~ Youre gonna need sutures the same size ~#**************#~ As the blade I push into caputcha ~#**************#~ When I pull em like (What?) sleigh rides ~#**************#~ Gotta stab a bitch at least eight times ~#**************#~ To make it on Dateline ~#**************#~ I came to stake my claim like a canine ~#**************#~ Waitin in a buffet line ~#**************#~ So, Kellyanne Conway ~#**************#~ Im a really bad hombre ~#**************#~ Come play, belly dance on me ~#**************#~ Ive been makin wedding plans all day ~#**************#~ [Chorus: Eminem & Kent Jones] ~#**************#~ ‘Cause nobody likes me, everybody hates me ~#**************#~ They want me to go eat some worms (I hope you offended) ~#**************#~ And drag my name through the mud, through the dirt ~#**************#~ But Ima make you eat your words (I hope you offended) ~#**************#~ You can try to hold me down, but you better let me up ~#**************#~ ‘Cause youre only gonna make things worse (I hope you offended) ~#**************#~ ‘Cause I swear when I get up, Im never gonna let up ~#**************#~ ‘Til everybody eats my turds ~#**************#~ [Verse 3: Eminem] ~#**************#~ Eight-year-old with the wordplay ~#**************#~ Girl, take this pole like a survey ~#**************#~ Today wasnt my birthday ~#**************#~ But Im caked up like a dessert tray ~#**************#~ So were in shape ~#**************#~ ‘Cause youre in a slurrin state ~#**************#~ I’m a 10, you’re an eight (Urinate) ~#**************#~ Like what I do before, after, and durin rape! ~#**************#~ You wanna get into a pissin contest ~#**************#~ And find out whos better? ~#**************#~ And be made a fool out of when I pull on em? ~#**************#~ R. Kelly with a full bladder (R. Kelly with a full bladder) ~#**************#~ Non-high school grad, Im not a scholar ~#**************#~ But Im so cold when Im droppin knowledge ~#**************#~ My degrees is the same as I got in college (Zero) ~#**************#~ But nobodys hotter, you owe me my respect ~#**************#~ I owe you nada like Haloti, partner ~#**************#~ Blow me, told you Im so dirty, homie, you can throw me ~#**************#~ In some holy water, with some floaties on ~#**************#~ And get the soap and try to get the Pope to hold me ~#**************#~ While you hose me off and, nope, I wont be washed ~#**************#~ You hope to God I dont explode ~#**************#~ I gotta blow this spot up though, I got a lotta mo ~#**************#~ I wont put the sugar coating on it though ~#**************#~ ‘Cause sometimes you can feel like your energys expired ~#**************#~ Raps got you drained ~#**************#~ Dead tired, zapped ~#**************#~ You feel like a wet pile of crap ~#**************#~ But look, man, like the feds buggin my phone (Uh-huh) ~#**************#~ I get why youre tapped ~#**************#~ “But you gotta get your fire back ~#**************#~ Catch fire, get upset and fire back!” ~#**************#~ Is what I tell myself ~#**************#~ When times get bad ~#**************#~ ‘Cause sometimes I might get sad ~#**************#~ But I take the same advice I had ~#**************#~ And tell myself like I used to tell Hailie ~#**************#~ When lifes a drag ~#**************#~ Told her to do like her dad: ~#**************#~ Dont cry, get mad! ~#**************#~ ‘Cause little baby powders ~#**************#~ Belong in diaper bags ~#**************#~ Im hyper, by the time you see this side of me ~#**************#~ Im right in your ass (Sodomy!) ~#**************#~ Foot up it, I stood up for the kid ~#**************#~ Who had to put up with the bullies at his school (At his school) ~#**************#~ You aint had to have no money ~#**************#~ Or go shoppin just to cop a fuckin attitude (Attitude) ~#**************#~ Now my doughs amountin to a mountain ~#**************#~ Thats rised too high to count it ~#**************#~ Never asked to be rich, all I did was wish ~#**************#~ I had a dime for every time that I was doubted ~#**************#~ But then I think about it, then Im enraged ~#**************#~ ‘Cause I just figured out that if I was paid ~#**************#~ For the time I spent to put the pen to the page ~#**************#~ Itd be minimum wage (Minimum wage) ~#**************#~ But its embedded in my head I never hunted for the bread and butter ~#**************#~ What I wanted was to be the one that they was scared of but ~#**************#~ Im never gonna get the credit for the sweat and blood ~#**************#~ I put up in the pen, and when Im dead I wonder ~#**************#~ Will they put me on a pedestal or forget I was ever this incredible? ~#**************#~ I guess I better go harder than ever cause ~#**************#~ Ill never get another motherfuckin opportunity again ~#**************#~ To offend as many people with this, I can simply because I can ~#**************#~ [Chorus: Eminem & Kent Jones] ~#**************#~ ‘Cause nobody likes me, everybody hates me ~#**************#~ They want me to go eat some worms (I hope you offended) ~#**************#~ And drag my name through the mud, through the dirt ~#**************#~ But Ima make you eat your words (I hope you offended) ~#**************#~ You can try to hold me down, but you better let me up ~#**************#~ ‘Cause youre only gonna make things worse (I hope you offended) ~#**************#~ ‘Cause I swear when I get up, Im never gonna let up ~#**************#~ ‘Til everybody eats my turds