[Skit: Kevin Randolph & Steven Blum]
~#**************#~
[KAI:]
~#**************#~
Yeah, then the bitch said, “Use a condom.” And I said, “Baby, there’s like 10 people left in existence, fuck does it matter?”
~#**************#~
[THOMAS:]
~#**************#~
You didn’t say that…
~#**************#~
[KAI:]
~#**************#~
Man, yes I did!
~#**************#~
[THOMAS:]
~#**************#~
No, you didn’t…
~#**************#~
[KAI:]
~#**************#~
I’m a grown ass man, what? I’ma lie to you? I’ma lie?
~#**************#~
Alright, maybe I just thought it—but damn, she was just so butt naked! I’d wrap her up with a trash bag just to get in it, you know what I’m saying?
~#**************#~
[THALIA:]
~#**************#~
Guys, we seem to be approaching another ship…
~#**************#~
[THOMAS:]
~#**************#~
What?
~#**************#~
[KAI:]
~#**************#~
Impossible!
~#**************#~
[THOMAS:]
~#**************#~
How far?
~#**************#~
[THALIA:]
~#**************#~
32 kilometers…
~#**************#~
[THOMAS:]
~#**************#~
Shit… HQ this is pilot Quentin Thomas, accompanied by my first man in charge of infantry William Kai of the Aquarius 3, come in, over…
~#**************#~
[HEADQUARTERS:]
~#**************#~
HQ here. What is it, Thomas?
~#**************#~
[THOMAS:]
~#**************#~
My program has just informed me and my partner of another ship that’s now 31 kilometers out…
~#**************#~
[HEADQUARTERS:]
~#**************#~
Did you just say another ship?
~#**************#~
[KAI:]
~#**************#~
Yeah, thats what he said!
~#**************#~
Another fuckin ship in the middle of space, man!!
~#**************#~
[THALIA:]
~#**************#~
I’ve gathered information from the ship’s motherboard…
~#**************#~
[HEADQUARTERS:]
~#**************#~
Engage the ship!
~#**************#~
[KAI:]
~#**************#~
What?!
~#**************#~
[THOMAS:]
~#**************#~
Copy!
~#**************#~
[THALIA:]
~#**************#~
I’m receiving audio embedded in the ship’s distress signal…
~#**************#~
[KAI:]
~#**************#~
Man—
~#**************#~
Why white people always gotta go investigating shit, man?!
~#**************#~
[THOMAS:]
~#**************#~
Shut up Kai—Thalia, playback message!
~#**************#~
[THALIA:]
~#**************#~
You got it…
~#**************#~
[SMITH:]
~#**************#~
This is Captain Christopher Smith of the Aquarius 1—the year is 2093—time unknown. The entire crew is dead, and I fear these are my last hours. Whatever you do, do not come knocking—
~#**************#~
[KAI:]
~#**************#~
Aw, hell nah—we gotta get the fuck outta here man!!
~#**************#~
[THOMAS:]
~#**************#~
HQ, engagement is a no go!
~#**************#~
Permission of the Aquarius 3 to push through to Paradise?
~#**************#~
[HEADQUARTERS:]
~#**************#~
Permission granted!
~#**************#~
[KAI:]
~#**************#~
Man, thank God!
